Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window...

A fresh 4 inches of snow, a beautiful snow-covered German forest, and icy slippery streets. We're staying in tonight.

I am thinking...
Less than 2 months till Steve is home for his mid-tour R&R (!!)
I am thankful for...
Faithful friends, near and far.
I am wearing...
Jeans, a pink babydoll top and navy blue long sweater. Oh, and fuzzy purple slippers. I'm cold.
I am remembering...
Last winter, our first in Germany. I don't think it snowed nearly this much.
I am going...
To drink a glass of rose', and finish reading my book. (it's nighttime here)
I am currently reading...
Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. A good friend recommended it to me last week, and I'm enjoying it.
I am hoping...
To finally get the girls' room rearranged to my liking--theirs too. And for Spring. Can't wait for it.
On my mind...
Steve's next assignment with the military. So many unknowns, so little control. As he reminds me, "we KNOW Who is in control." I am a blessed woman.
I am noticing that...
Giving up diet soda is difficult, but I think ultimately a good thing.
Pondering these words...
"You will find that as God restores your heart, and sets you free, you will recover long-lost passions, long-forsaken dreams." (Captivating)
From the kitchen...
Comfort food: Homemade mac n' cheese, chicken n' dumplins, cheese toast. (kids' requests) Carbs, anyone? Also brussel sprouts roasted with pine nuts, olive oil, and herbs...gotta get some veggies in there too!
Around the house...
The boys are tearing down an ugly old schrank that has seen better days. We set up a new desk, shelf and chest of drawers in the girls' room, which I hope will help with better organization. And beauty.
One of my favorite things...
The sound of my husband's voice on the phone. He's been deployed now for six months. I love hearing his voice, saying, "love you darlin' ".

From my picture journal:
The woods behind my house this morning when we got up. Beautiful!


More daybook entries here.

6 months

It's been a long time since I've blogged...or even thought about blogging. Nearly 6 months.

It's also been almost exactly 6 months since Steve left for his latest deployment...which means we are at the 'half-way point', which means...we still have (gulp) 6 months left. I'm really trying to view this milestone as a positive thing, rather than the fact that I have as much time in front of me as what we've just been through. In the interest of not being too macabre, I won't go on and on about the difficulties. Things DO seem magnified when my husband is gone, that I'll admit. Little difficulties and big trials, of which we've had both.

I also just plain miss him.

But I'm still here, doing my best to take each day as it comes, navigate our oldest son's senior year alone (that wasn't in my plans!), and deal with all life's daily challenges. Hopefully part of that will include a little more reflection and writing.

Here's a good thought, courtesy of Sheryl Crow: "Happiness isn't getting what you want, but wanting what you have."
Happy 2010, friends!

(photo by my daughter, Grace, taken while we were visiting in Texas)

Switzerland

My girls and I had a little ‘getaway’ to Switzerland this past weekend. It was beautiful, green, and clean. VERY clean. Pristine, in fact. It was fresh and lovely, and just what we needed. We visited the Schaffhausen waterfalls, as well as the island of Mainau and palace residence/gardens there by Lake Constance. Walking through the medieval town of Stein am Rhein was an absolute treat. It is still so wondrous to me to see buildings that are hundreds of years old.

I will continue to update this blog very irregularly as I have time. But I am a bit distracted with all that life is bringing us at this moment, and I seem to keep in touch with most of my friends/family through Facebook. (it’s a bit more private, more interactive—as one friend recently said) Our family took a wonderful trip to Rome this summer, and I still haven’t managed to load all the photos from that yet!

Steve has been deployed for 5 weeks now, and I have realized I simply cannot count down weeks for the next year. Maybe months. There is so much going on in Afghanistan, he is hourly in my thoughts and prayers.

If you have your loved ones near, hold them…love them. Recognize what a gift it is that you are together, in this moment.

embracing the unexpected

My daughter has told me I need to write a book so I can remember everything that's happened in my life. I'm starting to think that I might need to do that! If nothing else, to keep track of all the blessings and trials, to remind myself that God is always in control. You never know what's around the corner, and that's probably a good thing.

Without going into too much detail (OPSEC always!), we found out that Steve will be heading out to a year long deployment very soon. We are already stationed overseas, and to say we were stunned is an understatement. Still, as I look back at the weeks leading up to this latest, I see God's hand through it all and His tender care. More than I can ever share here. One little thing I can say is that a year ago this news would have been devastating to me physically, with all the medical problems I was experiencing. I'm in a much better place now, and for that I'm grateful.

It's best if I don't ever assume I know what's 'best' because I rarely do. The next year will look much different than I had expected. There are some things I'll need to do to make it while he's gone (we've been this route before, though not for this long a time)--more naps, more patience, more flexibility. Also probably more fast food and tv watching! Knowing that there are going to be many tearful days and sleepless nights for all of us.

These are some of my theme verses for times like this, and I will be praying this for my husband in the coming year:

Psalm 91
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

One More

It feels like I have lost this fight
They think that I am staying down
But I'm not giving up tonight
Tonight the wall is coming down
I am stronger than my fears
This is the mountain that I climb
Got 100 steps to go
Tonight I'll make it 99

I never thought I’d get to a point in running where I could do anything but think about breathing. In fact, I always run with music to drown out the sounds of my gasping. And I’m not kidding. I can go much longer if I can’t hear audibly how much I’m struggling. Somewhere along the way these past months, I realized I have gotten past that, and am actually thinking about something other than the pain and getting my next breath. It hit me a couple of weeks ago, as I listened to these words and sang them to myself.

One more
Go one more
Yeah, yeah
Don't stop now
Go one more
Yeah, yeah
One more
Go one more
Go one more
Yeah, yeah

I would have been shocked when I was younger to be told that so much of life is just its “dailyness”, that putting one foot in front of the other whether I feel like it or not. The blessing comes from just sticking in there at times. No fireworks, no fanfare, just gutting it out. Doesn’t sound very romantic. But honestly, I think there can be no ‘romance’ without a few hard times. There have been days I didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t think I could change one more diaper…the small things. There have been big things too, dealing with another miscarriage, another deployment, one more move and upheaval of my family from one side of the world to the other, another surgery or physical issue. Thinking that there is no way I can do this again. You can’t ask this of me, God. It’s really not fair. I have nothing left within me. Truly coming to the end of myself. I’ve witnessed friends and family go through incredibly hard times as well, and I know this process is not unique to just me. This is life. It can be just plain hard. So what do I do?

I have everything to lose
By not getting up to fight
I might get used to giving up
So I am showing up tonight
I am my own enemy
The battle fought within my mind
If I can overcome step one
I can face the 99

Rounding that last lap, I am surprised to feel a tear slide down my cheek as I listen to this song. I’m not even sure why the tears are there. They surprise me. Because of the success? From pushing myself? Because of gratitude to be able to move without pain? I’m not sure.

Running is a metaphor for life, for anything hard, really. Maybe it’s not just about the end result, but more about what we learn about ourselves in the process. The joy in the journey. I can stand more than I think. I’m stronger than I ever thought I was. I am well aware I couldn’t accomplish a thing without the Lord’s help. I am so weak on my own. Getting to the end of ‘me’ is a good thing, for somehow I am shown the mystery of His strength made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9). I would never have known my need of Him if I hadn’t fallen flat a few times.

I know this realization came at a price, and if I can convey anything to my own kids, it’s this:

Hang in there.

Go ‘one more’.

God is always with you.

You can do it.


(One More, by Superchick)

Not blogging

And I'm not sure why. There's lots going on (oldest son buying his first car..), photos to load (softball and baseball games, drumline, gymnastics..), trips to report (going to Holland and the Corrie Ten Boom house, our upcoming summer vacation to ROME!).....so I'm not sure why. Wait, yes I do. I'm so busy living life, I don't have time to document it right this minute. Time will come later, I hope. We are wrapping up the school year--a great year! But a busy year. Steve travels a lot with his new job here, so I am often manning the homefront alone. Anyway. Not excuses. Just real life and living. But I'll be back. ;)

Easter photos

A few photos from our Easter weekend....for some reason, I can't ever pin my husband down for a good photo! But we all had a great weekend. :) (I'm in the bottom photo with my girls)